Oh come on it is not a crappy essay! I think everyones needs some work. Since I read your last paper I already gained a lot of knowledge about Fiats. It was nice to see a different angle on them this time. I think it would be nice to hear a little more of your opinion in the paper. Why do you think Fiats are great? There are some really fantastic facts in your paper but I would love to really understand your whole take on the idea. I am kind of confused on what the thesis statement is. I think it would be best if you put the thesis in the first paragraph so there is a guideline when reading the paper. I have a huge problem with "to be" verbs so I'm getting better at recognizing them. I found some in your paper and circled them for you so they are easy to spot. The essay is interesting and I think by the time all the corrections are made it will be great.
Your essay is very informative and thorough. I can tell that you have done lots of research on your topic. You give the reader enough information to have a review about the Fiat car themself. What I would love to see more of in your essay are strong oppinionated statements. I can tell that you like them through your writing, but it would be strong to say it near the beginning in a thesis. That's something that I saw a lot of in my own essay. You could add some counter claims of why people wouldn't like them. Then you could tell them why that arguement isn't good. Overall it is a strong essay. You have the stuff that adds body, now you will have the fun part of inserting your oppinion.
Oh come on it is not a crappy essay! I think everyones needs some work. Since I read your last paper I already gained a lot of knowledge about Fiats. It was nice to see a different angle on them this time.
ReplyDeleteI think it would be nice to hear a little more of your opinion in the paper. Why do you think Fiats are great? There are some really fantastic facts in your paper but I would love to really understand your whole take on the idea.
I am kind of confused on what the thesis statement is. I think it would be best if you put the thesis in the first paragraph so there is a guideline when reading the paper.
I have a huge problem with "to be" verbs so I'm getting better at recognizing them. I found some in your paper and circled them for you so they are easy to spot.
The essay is interesting and I think by the time all the corrections are made it will be great.
Your essay is very informative and thorough. I can tell that you have done lots of research on your topic. You give the reader enough information to have a review about the Fiat car themself.
ReplyDeleteWhat I would love to see more of in your essay are strong oppinionated statements. I can tell that you like them through your writing, but it would be strong to say it near the beginning in a thesis.
That's something that I saw a lot of in my own essay. You could add some counter claims of why people wouldn't like them. Then you could tell them why that arguement isn't good.
Overall it is a strong essay. You have the stuff that adds body, now you will have the fun part of inserting your oppinion.